... and the pieces start to fall in place

i've been in a weird place the last couple of days. i can't point to any one event that caused the mood just that i know my inner balance is a little off. i'm stressing easy, i'm not eating very much, i'm getting irritated easily, and not too feeling too sociable. it's one of those times i just want to turn the phone off, hole up and watch some t.v., and generally shut out the world. that usually makes things worse since it gives me more time to reflect on my craziness so it is a good thing it has not been an option the last few days.

it has been a crazy few days. on wednesday, my boss calls me at the 11th hour to inform me i have to be in an inservice all day on thursday and possibly on friday. going into the office is always a little stressful because #1 the people just aren't nice (why aren't people nice?), and #2 i am so used to being at home now that it is just hard to go in there. anyway, i do what i have to do. so i dutifully showed up for work thursday morning. i get my stuff together, and at 9:30, i casually walked up to my boss and asked her where i was supposed to go for the training. she snapped. she screamed out at me (with other people sitting around) I don't know! she slammed a box down on her desk, and i thought for a moment she might actually swing at me. she then jumped out of her seat and walked so far ahead of me that i could not keep up. i was so shocked that #1 i was speechless, and #2 i almost cried. now, i need to explain this woman to you. she looks like barney fife. no joke. complete with her pants hiked up to her boobs, and her shirt neatly tucked in. all she would need would be the one bullet gun to complete the look. you never know what you are going to say to this woman that is going to piss her off. she's had explosions with all of the woman i work with, but this is one of the more severe ones. i mean, i was really embarrassed to be talked to like that in the professional setting. i was talking to one of my friends later that i work with, and i told her what had happened. i went over all the things i should have done including smacking her barney fife ass all over that office. my friend found that amusing. i didn't like my reaction to the whole thing. i did nothing. i mean, i don't should have called her barney fife ass or done anything to get myself fired, but i think i should have just told her that she was not going to talk to me like that. next time, i will be more prepared.

friday was another odd day. i drove up early to indiana to transfer the titles over on my parent's cars. i had to use my stern voice with the woman at the DMV. seriously, i am not rude vey often, but i had enough. long story short, my father set up a trust before he passed away. that way, everything would pass into the trust, and his will would not have to be probated. it was supposed to be the easiest way. or so you would think. that trust has ended up being more aggravation to me than what it is worth. the lawyer who prepared it was an idiot so i have had to pay more money to correct what he screwed up. nobody seems to undertsand what a trust is. i have had problems with selling a house, my homeowner's insurance, and now the cars. the DMV lady tells me the cars are not in the trust so i don't have a right to sell them. then i show her the will. then she says it needs to be probated. and then i tell her it doesn't have to go through probate. and round and round. i ended up the winner, but i had to come back to ky and get more stuff before i can sign over the car. i'll have to make a trip back up to indiana (which is a state i despise). no offense to anyone who lives there.

i sold my parent's cars back in january or february. it was one of the hardest things i have ever done when i watched those cars pull out of the driveway. it was such a weird sensation to see my mom's car pull up yesterday at the DMV. i looked down at the titles to the cars, and both of my parent's names were on there. for just one split second, it was if no time had passed. it was sad.

it seemed there were a lot of reminders of my mom yesterday. my mom retired from wal-mart. everybody knew her. she was loud and funny and animated and absolutely irreverant at times. she worked in cosmetics, and everybody in the store just loved her. i try to stay out of wal-mart, but there are times when it is just really convenient to go in there. yesterday, i had planned on going to target, but i changed my mind at the last minute and went in wal-mart. while i was there, i found out that one of the ladies my mom had worked with had just died, and visiting hours at the funeral home were yesterday. it is the craziest ass story. she went in for a double knee replacement. all was going well. a few days later, the nurse went in to do her routine check. the husband was sitting at the side of the bed. the lady was dead. her husband didn't even know it. they aren't sure what happened to her. it could have been a blood clot or a heart attack. when i pulled up the obit, i just cried. i've known her for so long. i had just seen her a few months ago. we had talked about my mom, and i told her about my dad passing. she has a daughter my age. it is unbelievable.

when i went to the visiting hours, there were tons of people i knew from wal-mart. they all wanted to talk about my mom. one lady said my mom reminded her of carol channing because of the eye makeup. another talked about her perfume (she loved to smell good). another lady made a point to introduce herself to me and tell me how nice my mom was and how she still has the annoucement with the photo she had gotten at my mom's funeral. that really touched me. they all said how much they loved her, and how she made them laugh. they still miss her. it was a hard.

i babysat for my friend last night. it was her 5 year anniversary. she has two of the most adorable little girls in the world so i always enjoy hanging out with them. but the evening was just stressful. in my last post, i talked about the friend i got into the ridiculous argument with. well, she was there. i was nice enough, and she was nice enough, but i just would have rather been anyplace else than in that place with that person. i ate the mcdonald's chicken nuggetsthat were sitting on the counter to cope. it was as if i just wanted something... anything.... to pass the time, and the nuggets were there. i was just disgusted. that was when i had an epithany.

some of my anger towards this person had diminised yesterday. i thought that maybe i could just let this all drop and just move past it. but then i was reminded of how my body felt when i went on this diet. i mean, for a couple of days i felt pretty shitty because i had cut out caffeine and sugar and wheat and fast foods.... all stuff that i was used to eating on a regular basis. but once they were all out of my system, i felt really good. i thought that anything that caused my body to feel that bad could not possibly be good for me. it didn't mean that it didn't feel good when i was eating it. it didn't consistently feel like a bad thing for me. but it was. it is the same with this relationship. after this argument, i just felt bad for a few days. i was a little sad and pissed off, and basically, the whole thing took up more mind space than it should have. then i started to soften a little bit and think about the good things that had been in the relationship. but then i thought that any relationship that could bring the emotions in me that this once had could not be healthy for me. even though it wasn't all bad, and there were a lot of good things about it, that didn't mean it was healthy for me. just like the toxic food, this relationship was also poison. that's when i knew what i had to do. the relationship had to be cut out.

i know i have rambled a lot today. i had a lot i needed to get out so even if nobody else reads it, i said it, and i meant it. i am looking forward to today. my friend and i are going to spend the afternoon together. we were supposed to go to the pool, but thunderstorms knocked that out of the hat. but we'll find something to do. an afternoon spent in the company of good friends is always a good thing. especially one that is easy. the way friendships should be. but that's another blog.

letting go

i am having one of those days when it's not just one event but a series of events that has made me flustered. i fluster easily so there you go. it's one of those moments where i am irrationally frustrated/angry at something that has nothing to do with what i am actually frustrated/angry about. i am gonna blog it out and watch some knots and settle and restore harmony to the life of the p.

the day started off rocky. i had to take one of the black heathens to the vet because he threw up his breakfast. he has been sick off and on for several weeks so i just thought it best to bite the bullet and take him on in. $150 later and all is well. the vet just oohed and aahed over him, and i am always so proud to show him and his pretty tail off. for the first time in his life, he got a little pissy and hissed at the vet. of course, she came at him with a needle, so what else is a poor defenseless cat to do? he came home, ate all his food, got a lot of loving from his brother, and settled down for a long nap. on the way home, i was talking to one of my friends on the phone. i won't go into the details just because it really is not worth the aggravation to put it down. but i was actually thinking in my mind seriously? we are not actually having this conversation. i ended up hanging up on her (which is something i rarely do), and i thought to myself fuck it. i just don't care. there it is. but as the day wore on, the more irritated i became the whole thing even happened. well, obviously, i care a little, or i wouldn't be talking about it here. but i don't care enough to let it take up any more of my thought space.

i don't care has been my motto for several things today and is becoming my motto for a lot of things. i actually heard myself saying i don't care in a conversation with another friend later in the day. we were talking about this girl who has such an unfortunate personality and has been so unpleasant to be around. my friend, trying to be so understanding, actually to the point that it just about makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little, tried to rationalize that the girl had a lot of personal problems, and it comes through in her treatment of other people. and then i said the words out loud. i don't care. and i don't. it's not that i don't care about what happens to people. i care a lot. i wear my heart on my sleeve. but i don't think bad circumstances give you any right to be mean to somebody else. people should be nice. nice should be the norm. karen mackenzie said it, and i believe it. everybody has their own shit. i could write a book about mine. and i have friends who worry about having groceries in their kitchen cabinets. but we never use it as an excuse to not be nice. there just isn't one.

there is a lot more i could say about this day, but i am just going to leave it at that. there is just a point where anything more would just be rambling. in the end, it really just doesn't matter. it was just a day. i just need to find a place in my own mind where i can just let it go. i'm gonna settle in with my show and root for the pens in my heart for missy, and all will be right with the world.

emerging from the schlub

to put it frankly, cats are a pain in the ass when you are trying to clean the house. they get up in the bed in the middle of the clean laundry. they try to eat the earrings you are sorting. they grab the garbage and run through the house with it. they think the vacuum cleaner is an evil minion of satan yet they can't resist a few bites at the cord. they climb into the closet and eat any stray article hanging from the clothes. in short, it takes twice as long to clean because a great deal of time is spent removing the cat from someplace it is not supposed to be. It was once said cats don't have masters but servants. this is certainly true in my house. yet i gladly share my humble abode with these creatures because after all is said and done, they are pretty damn cute.

i bought a new toy for the gang several weeks ago. it is a laser light. all i have to do is bring it out, and the fun begins. madeline will swat at it, and costello will chase it and try to climb the walls in pursuit of it, and abbott will watch it cautiously for awhile before pouncing on it. cats are so fscinating to watch.

i finished up season 1 knots today and started on season 2. thank god for abby. it just feels a little more like knots with her being there.

i was a little more industrious today than yesterday. i got a lot of house cleaning and the majority of my laundry done. i swear, i never can figure out how one person creates so much laundry. it was still a tad dreary outside with the sun peeking out just a little this afternoon. i think we are supposed to be in for some bad weather but this spring has been so strange, i will believe it when i see it.

that's all for now. i am just not full of any insights this evening. the week feels a little weird since yesterday was a holiday. i am still trying to figure out what day it is. i have a black boy laying at the foot of my chair, and i am going to finish my blueberry tea. another black boy is sound asleep in the next chair. god only knows where madeline is. i got a pissy meow from her a little while ago because i disturbed her delicate sensibilities. it is just so hard to be a cat.

some thanks along the way

this day was exactly what a holiday should be: frought with laziness. i sat outside for awhile and read, watched some knots, and an episode each of ER and friends. i am finding it increasingly more difficult to get through season 1 knots even though i have only 5 episodes left to go. i really don't care about ginger and her stalker or motorcycle gangs or ex-wives and so forth. there are two things getting me through the season. karen and richard. actually, there's also a third. season 2 is not far off. so i plod through.

it's a dreary here today. it was kind of a let down after such a gorgeous weekend but a perfect day for schlubbing it out. i've been reading other blogs and looking at everyone's list of what they are thankful for. of course, since i am a spoiker wench, i must do the same. it's my gratitude list, my survival skill list, call it what you will. these are the things that are important to me, and i am the most thankful for at present:

• my 3 beautiful heathen cats. there's nothing better than to come home and have cats waiting for you at the back door. they truly are a reason to get up every morning
• knots landing, in particular seasons 4, 9, 10, and 14, has been an important part of my life for so many years. i'm glad i re-discovered it a few years ago and have friends who share it with me.
• strawberries, blackberries, and blueberries. it is a divine experience to eat them after a week of only veggies.
• blueberry tea. i now look forward to it every morning.
• outings with angela and the kids. they make me smile.
• prince caspian and renewing my love for c.s. lewis.
• my digital camera. i honestly don't know what i would do without it.
• the anticipation of meeting patrick duffy, larry hagman, linda gray, and kathleen noone all at one time. my brain almost cannot comprehend it.
• my black crocs which may be the most comfortable shoes i have ever owned.
• long conversations with missy about the meaning of everything.
• anticipation of a time in the near future when i will again drink a diet coke from mcd's.
• working from home. enough said.
• schlubby days.
• my hillary clinton shirt which i wear just about everyplace i go.
• the 7 pounds i lost!
• my pink chair in the backyard. it's such a nice place to sit and read.

that's all for now. i am going to settle in for an evening of some more knots. tomorrow i have got to get on the ball. i have work to do (what a concept), and this house needs to be cleaned from top to bottom. it's great to be schlubby, but it's also a good thing to be industrious.

do cats like blueberry tea?

this is the time of day i am starting to love the most. it is early evening, the cats have been fed, the litter boxes have been cleaned, everybody has fresh water, the dishwasher is running, the doors have been closed for the night, the cats are wandering, and i am drinking a cup of blueberry tea. it's the routine i love the most. i pretty much do the same thing every night i am at home. i have never been one that is used to much of a routine. i have always done what i want when i feel like it. but i realize more and more there is something to be said about a routine, especially with having the cats and now following this eating plan. the routine is keepingme focused, and that is always a good thing.

i slept until almost noon today, which i almost never do, and can only on sundays. it was a glorious thing. i woke up surrounded by 2 of 3 cats. i spent the whole afternoon reading about hillary clinton and then napping a little more with the cats. a lot of times when i sleep like that, i will feel crummy when i wake up. but my body must have really needed the sleep because i am feeling pretty good. it has taken me over a year to start reading Hillary's autobiography about herself. after reading all 957 pages of bill's life, i felt like i knew more about the clintons than any one person had the right to know. enough time has passed, and i must say i am really enjoying hillary's take on things. i am seeing some similarities between myself and hilllary. #1 we both had our fake hair pulled off by one of our friends in school. #2 we both were concerned about our hideous hair on graduation day. she actually said the pictures looked SCARY! SCARY! that is so something i would say. it was as if hillary clinton had read my autobiography about myself. it just reaffirms why i love her so much and think she would make a kick ass president.

i took my friend and her bird down to the animal clinic yesterday. what is so siginificant about this particular clinic is it is the same one my grandmother took her poodles to for probably 20 years or better. i cannot tell you how many hours of my life i spent sitting in that waiting room when i was a child. i have not been back in there since 1994 when i had my dog missy put to sleep. it was the most surreal experience going back in there yesterday. i swear, it looked like something out of the 1960's. same chairs, some floors, same paintings. and an honest to bob typewriter. not one of those small electric typewriters but one of those big-mother-of-a-thing ones. i haven't seen anything like it in years. the girl at the desk (who might i add was a complete bitch) made a mistake and pulled out her white-out to fix it. it all would have made me so happy if the girl were not such an unpleasant woman. anyway, the vet who founded the practice has 5 kids, and they are all vets. i can remember when they were all still in school. the elder vet just quit practicing several months ago because his wife needed him at home. one of the vet techs said he still comes into the office every day. he is known as one of the best vets in the country, and his office waiting room is still packed with people just like it was 20 years ago . it proves you don't need a computer for everything but a little kindness sure does go a long way.

that's all for today. i am contemplating my options for my day off tomorrow: laying out in my own back yard, driving over to indiana to the pool, or going to the speed museum with tommy. i love options.

reflections in the sunlight

i am sitting outside blogging in the glorious sun. well, actually i am sitting in the shade right now because i can't see the computer screen otherwise, but i am still outside, and it is a wonderful thing. i have a pile of books stacked beside my chair, and that is how i plan to spend my afternoon. i have my new bathing suit on (i bought it back in february in hopes of wearing it on my cali vacation, but the gods of fate did not allow it), and i am a little concerned about the amount of cleveage it shows, but i am in my own backyard, so there you go. i have on my shittiest pair of sunglasses because i lost my good ones. i realize i am rambling.

i went to a graduation last night. i realized very quickly that i was very bored. it wasn't the graduation. it was the place. i have been to countless graduations over the last 20 years at this place, but somehow this one seemed different. i thought maybe it was because there was no "shine on" or the senior slide tribute sucked worse than it has ever sucked in the history of the world. or maybe even that the commencement speaker was more of a preacher, and i kept wondering what her ramblings had to do with graduation. she was also not very bright, which is hard to tolerate in a commencement speaker. i realized it wasn't really any of these things . it's that i am in a different place now. i have moved on, i have grown up, and i have realized i just don't care about the trivial crap. i think that is such a wonderful place for me to be in. there was a time that i was so drawn to this place, so drawn to these people. but i realize now i am an official grown up, and it doesn't have the hold on me it once did. i can love it from a distance, but i have to be involved with it to keep that love. i thought it was a pretty profound moment.

i was looking at this key chain i bought during one of my travels. it tells some of the people who share my birthday and the characteristics of people born on this day. Irish party Sinn Fein founded in 1905. The first polaroid camera went on sale in 1948. The poet William Blake was born. And of course, I was born, which may be the most important event of them all. I thought it was so interesting that the first polaroid went on sale. i take pics of everything, and i just so happen to have a polaraid camera. pretty crazy.

as for the characteristics, it says the people born on this day like problem solving. they can be spiritually deep thinkers. they like to plan ahead. they regularly take risks. it is amazing to me that almost every one of those apply to me. i will say i am not much on problem solving. i would rather problems just go away. that has gotten me into trouble more than once. I am definitely a spiritual deep thinker. the unanswered questions eat away at me sometimes. i think every question should have an answer, and sometimes life just donesn't work that way. i do plan ahead. i would rather have things lined up instead of just going into something blind. it's also the thing in me that drives me insane with other people. i hate dealing with people who don't make any plans at all (which i basically think is an excuse to be rude). i regularly take risks. there aren't too many things i won't try at least once, although i may be scared as hell doing them.

nothing else new going on. the diet is starting to get hard for me, but i am sticking to my guns. i just keep thinking of what a good thing this is, how hard i have worked, and how much money i am saving for my vacations but not eating out. i also know that i am not one bit hungry, all of the cravings are emotional, and i am not willing to give in.

i'm off to enjoy the rest of this gorgeous day. GO PENS!

just like old times

i am sitting in my chair drinking a cup of peppermint tea as i blog. a black heathen just wandered in, thinking he was going to get a drink of my tea, but he was sorely mistaken. it's been a decent day. the heathens went to the vet, and now everybody is up to date on their immunizations. madeline snuggled in my lap, which almsot never happens, for quite awhile so all is well. it has been a quiet day. madeline is still hanging solo in the RIP suite, and the black have been sleeping all afternoon in pink chair. laziness abounds in this household.

i finished watching back to the cul-de-sac today and started on season 1 knots. i said that watching season 14 knots was hard, but i think season 1 is harder. at least in season 14, the only people i really love that are missing are val and abby, and i also really miss frank. but in season 1, there's no mack, abby, greg, paige, mack, mack, or mack. it's a little disorienting, but thank god for karen. as you will see after you read all of this blog, it's actually a little ironic that i have been watching the last season of knots at this time. i didn't plan it this way, but i am a huge believer that all things happen for a reason.

missy and i often try to tackle the big questions of life, and today our topic was relationships. we came to the conclusion that relationships (either romantic or just friendships) can be damn hard, and the ones that cause more grief than they give back are just not worth the effort. a relationship that has endured the test of time can stand a lot. but one that throws its shit at you before the firm foundation is not a keeper.

tomorrow night i am going to a graduation. i always get reflective around graduation time. this is actually kind of a milestone year for me. it has been 15 years since i graduated from high school, 15 years since knots went off the air, 10 years since i graduated from nursing school, 5 years since my mom died, and 1 year since my father died. sometimes it's hard to believe this much time has passed, and sometimes it feels like it should be longer. i feel like each one of these events have in some way shaped who i am. when i graduated, i left behind a place that had been such an inportant part of my childhood. even today, i am still closing pieces of that chapter in my life . knots played such a huge part of my last 2 years of high school and over the years has been a good friend and a wonderful distraction to me when i needed it. people who don't have a television show they love would never be able to understand that statement. For those who do, you'll understand exactly where i am coming from. as for nursing school, it was the hardest thing i had ever attemped up to that point, and it proved to me that i could do anything i put my mind to. before my parents died, i never thought i would ever be able to survive anything like that. i can remember thinking my life was over when my mom died. i thought that any chance at happines had passed me by. now, i can honestly say i don't think i would be the person i am today if my parents were still alive so i am glad i got through it. and now i believe some of the best is yet to come. i really have no regrets. there are things i would have done differently in my life, but i firmly believe that every experience has helped mold me, so i would not trade any pain for an easier path.

oh well, i am done waxing philosophical for the evening. everybody's been fed (including me), the litter boxes have been cleaned, the kitchen looks pretty good, and costello has gotten his medicine. all in all, those are pretty major accomplishments for one evening. i'm gonna settle in my chair, put on my pj's, wash my face, turn off the lights, and try to make it through season 1 knots.

evil has a face

and yet another day has almost come to an end. it has been a pretty good one. i survived being at chuck e cheese with a whole lot of kids, and i was even able to resist evil in the face of cheese pizza and the most divine-looking cake i have ever seen. i have lost 5 whole pounds, my jeans are just a wee bit loose, and i finally lost the caffeine withdrawal headache. i wasn't about to tempt fate by biting into a big slice of cake. so far this week, i have resisted a southern friend chicken sandwich, popcorn, and then today's desires. i am on a mission. it's hard to believe i have not cheated at all in seven whole days. it's a pretty good feeling.

i am about to pull myself out of the abyss that is season 14 knots. by the end of the evening, i will have finished the series finale and back to the cul-de-sac. then, instead of saying where's val? , it will be who the fuck is that man living in mack's house? sometimes it's just hard to be a knots fan.

the heathens have found a new napping spot. yep, right smack in the center of the RIP richard heater bed. i was looking for them earlier and all three were lined up in a row snoozing. i personally could think of a ton of better napping spots than the RIP bed, but the cats have a mind of their own. and they never knew richard heater so i'll cut them a little slack.

hillary clinton kicked ass in KY last night. just had to throw that out there.

the weather has finally cleared here, and the sun was shining bright today. i love the first sunny day after a couple of days of gloom. everything just seems so bright and fresh and new. i drove with the windows down and just enjoyed the feeling of fresh air. well, fresh air mixed with a lot of pollen.

oh well, time to settle in for a night of TV watching and possibly snuggle with some cats (if they ever emerge from the RIP suite). i wish i had something more profound to say this evening, but i don't, so there you go.

no new insights really...

nothing really new is going on in the life of the P today. i have been a lazy schlub all day and frankly i should be a little embarrassed, but i'm not, so there you go. i also have the laziest ass kittens. i don't think anyone has stirred from their sleeping spots all day (except madeline a few minutes ago) so the whole fam damily can officially qualify as a bunch of lazy schlubs.

madeline and i go through the same routine several times a day. she jumps on the table. i tell her to get down. she jumps into the window. and then we repeat the cycle. i think she hopes one day she will break my resolve. but after they spilled big red on my computer, the kittens have been banished permanently from the table. it's just so difficult being a cat in this house.

as for the black heathens, heathen #1 is curled up in the chair with my knots tapes. heathen #2 is snuggled between the pillow and the sheet on the couch. heathen #3 (madeline) has just about fallen asleep sitting in the kitchen window. her tal twitches only slightly when her name is called, and she can barely hold her eyes open. thank gawd everybody is almost better after 3 weeks of dealing with sick cats and now a sick mommy.

i am deep in season 14 knots. i am still asking where's val? where's frank? and why the fuck are they arresting mack? it's tense, and i am sucked in. what else can i say?

i am on day 6 of my detox diet!! whoo hoo! anyone who knows me at all knows this is an amazing feat. i have gone 6 whole days without any caffeine, sugar, fast food, wheat, dairy, or mcd's southern fried chicken sandwiches. i am concerned i may have lost more of the brain cell. actually, i am feeling pretty good. now if i could just get rid of these damn allergies, i would be on top of the world. god bless the ohio valley.

the weather here is dreary, which could partly account for the general schlubiness of the day. seriosuly, it feels like it should be march here, not may. i have given up on the idea of trying to figure out the weather anymore. nothing this year has been has it is supposed to be. tornados in january, very few storms this spring. crazy stuff.

so i am actually going to chuck e cheese tomorrow with a whole lot of kids. and i am not even gonna touch a slice of pizza. i think i might have lost my mind. what can i say? i'm a sucker for cute kids, but i would kill for a slice of pizza.

well, i am off to feed the heathens and eat my dinner (veggies and rice! yeah!) and mourn for the mackenzies because they are having such a rough time of it.

"it started out as a feeling..."

i suck, and it's sad. well, maybe i suck just a little bit. i actually am not going to see bill and hillary clinton tonight. i am okay with it all. the friend who was supposed to go with me cancelled at the eleventh hour. it didn't really shock me, as my KY friends just don't seem to enjoy unique adventures as much as i do. my out of state friends are game for anything, but my ky friends suck worse than i do. anyway, i could have gone by myself. i go to lots of things by myself and actually probably end up enoying things more when i am alone. when it came down to it, i realized i feel pretty crummy tonight. my allergies are wrecking havoc on my body, and the thought of standing in line for hours was just not appealing. i figured not being able to breathe and hacking my head off would not make for a pleasant evening. it also would have been a different story if i had not already gotten to see bill and hillary each once before. i decided that curling up with a book and a cat and watching some knots sounded like a better plan. when i got home and put on my pj's, i realized i had made the right decision. i'll be with bill and hillary in spirit.

i am so proud to be supporting hillary. all of the clintons have been working their asses off for the last month campaining all over this state. hillary has been here since saturday and will be here until after tomorrow's primary is over. obama was here a week ago and drew a crowd of 10,000 people. but it's been pretty clear that he's already moved on from ky. that visit was the first time he had been here since february. he knowes he won't win this state in the primary. he doesn't need to so why bother with any more campaiging here? hillary understands it is the working class people in states like KY and ohio and west virginia whose voices need to be heard and who can help put her in the White House. Usually by this time in the game, the candidate has already been decided, and KY doesn't have a say. But this election, we actually count, and that is such an amazing thing. hillary has said time and time again that she is staying in this race until there is a nominee because everyone should have their say. obama may be swaying people now, but if he doesn't win over the working class in states like mine, he will never be elected. i am proud of hillary for hanging in there and making sure that everybody gets a say.

i bought the prince caspian soundtrack today, and i am so happy. the music is so hauntingly beautiful, maybe even more so than the original. it is sweet and sad that it almost brings tears to my eyes. all of these feelings of life and love and nostalgia and hopes and dreams just overwhelm me but in a good way. here a few lines from regina spektor's "The Call" :

just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never been this way before
dll you can do is try to know who your friends are
as you head off to the war

i just can't enough of this cd.

i decided i haven't read enough of the classics. that's so odd for me because i love to read, and i especially love something that carries me away to another time and place and most inportantly is well-written. i decided i am always going to always have a classic i my reading stack.today i picked up jane eyre and three of the narnia series: the voyage of the dawn treader, the horse and his boy, and the silver chair. the thought of listening to the prince caspian CD and reading sounds like a pretty good plan. here are the other nuggets i picked up from the library: death angel (all about a serial killer nurse), the left hand of god: taking back our country from the religious right, bill and hillary: the marriage, ultraprevention: the 6-week plan that will make you healthy for life, and the new madrid fault finders guide. i like variety.

i started season 14 knots today. i always have mixed emotions when i start this season. i mean, i really love it in so many ways. but it's damn hard to watch. where's val? where's frank? and then there's the mackenzies. but i carry on because i love this show and this season so much.

when i came home, one of my black boys was asleep on the recliner. i asked him if he missed me while i was gone, not expecting an answer. i swear to bob, when i said that, he meowed as if he were saying "yes". i quite possibly have the greatest cats in the world (except for the cooper cats and rick and tammi's gang). i don't understand why everbody in the world is not a cat owner.

okay, i really can't breathe. i think i will turn out the lights and sit in the dark (why do i somehow think that is a knots quote)?

my thoughts on this week

it has been several days since i have blogged, but i have been crazy busy and haven't felt well and really just haven't been inspired to write anything. i am playing catch up today. here are my random thoughts from the week:

*i love sundays. i love the whole feel of the day. when i was going to church all the time, i got to the point where i dreaded sundays. sunday became all about getting up early and getting ready and spending most of the morning in church and going out to eat and then getting home in the afternoon and just crashing. i felt like i never had a "down day". i was working 5 days a week, and saturdays were spent running errands or cleaning the house. sunday was church. now, i can take this day and just be lazy guilt-free. that is always a nice feeling.

*prince caspian rocks. it was so perfect and tension-filled and sweet all at the same time. when i first saw aslan, i was so happy and wanted to cry at the same time. the ending was amazing. it could have easily been sappy, but it was bittersweet and just wonderful. and the five minutes of the white witch was well worth the wait.

*i love bill clinton. it is funny to hear me say that now because for so many years, i was not a clinton fan because of the church. but then i read all 957 pages about his life, and i had a different take on him. he loves politics and the government probably more than anyone who has ever been president of this country. that gives him a star in my book.

*speaking of bill clinton, it was great to see him in person. i don't understand why people don't see what an amazing part of history this is to be a part of. my friend's husband was actually mad at her because she went to see him because he doesn't like bill clinton. he could not get it into his head why we wanted to go. besides the fact that i love him, and i am a hillary supporter, i thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see a former president of the united states. i would go see most any of the presidents that were here. maybe i wouldn't have driven 45 minutes and stand for 3 hours like i did for bill, but i would have seen them if they were closer. it is history in the making, and i was glad to be a part of it.

*it is not possible for me not to drop food on myself. right now, i have a shirt in the wash that has chocolate ice cream on it. i wish i was more coordinated, but i am not, so there you go.

*i cannot be trusted with any type of glass in my hands. for 2 days in a row now, i have spilled water all over the carpet. see above.

*cats also cannot be trusted around my water. if i turn my back for a second, they are drinking it. i love cats.

*cats love walking on me, especially on my boobs. it hurts.

*sherwin jood officially got accepted into nursing school. i am so proud of him. now we can all be sherwin nurses together.

*marriage. there it is. i could say a lot more about this, but i won't. i will say i don't understand the concept of getting married just for the sake of getting married. i still believe in love and companionship and compatibility and all those things. i also think you should be excited when you get engaged and not be embarrassed by it. i also think you should be excited to be someone's maid of honor, but that is another whole story in itself.

*diets are really not that hard to follow as long as you set your mind to it. i have not been hungry at all during these last 4 days, and that in itself is really an amazing thing. i think so much about food and eating is all mental. that's not to say that i don't miss my mcd's diet cokes and cracker barrel and my southern fried chicken sandwiches. but they're put away for now.

*it is amazing how much attention you get when you wear a hillary clinton hat and shirt. people everywhere make comments. i realize there are a ton of hillary supporters out there, and it makes me proud to be one

*i have been working on season 13 knots, and i have 2 words. mack mackenzie. 3 more words. gary and val. man, i love knots.

*did i mention how much i loved prince caspian?

taking the plunge!

i have been talking for years about getting healthy and losing weight. almost every summer, i vow to myself or someone else that i will get a belly button ring if i can just flatten out my stomach. and every year i do nothing to achieve this goal. i live almost exclusively on mcd's value meals and diet cokes (which might i add is the stuff dreams are made of) and frankly i am concerned about my health. i finally decided i was tired of not taking any action. starting tomorrow, i am starting a program based on the book the ultrasimple diet: kick-start your metabolism and safely lose up to 10 pounds in 7 days. my reasons for doing this are not so much for vanity but more for ensuring i live a long, productive, healthy life. heart disease and cancer are among the leading causes of death in women. much of this linked to the choices we make with our diets.

i have never been a diet junkie. in fact, for years i have said i did not want to go on a diet because i feel that losing weight should be more about a permanent lifestyle change and not just some fad. i still believe that. i also know myself well enough to know that i have gained an unacceptable amount of weight, i am putting myself in jeopardy, and i need a place to start. i need something i can follow. i need to get all this poison out of my system.

the plan i have chosen was written by a doctor. not only does it involve a change in eating habits, but it also incorporates the use of supplements, a bowel regimen, exercise, journaling, and stress reduction techniques. when i heard about it, i knew it was for me. i liked the fact that it seems to encompass body/mind/soul. i stumbled across this after talking to a friend who is going through a similar detoxification program. we are going to be a support to each other. i like the idea of having somebody to go through this with. but even if i didn't, i am determined i can commit to anything for seven days.

as i mentioned, part of this program involves daily journaling. i am going to do some of it here except for the really personal things, which i will keep in a private journal. i have a list of questions to answer. here it goes.

List your three most physically toxic behaviors (e.g., smoking, not resting, eating sweets, eating unconsciously, choosing poor-quality foods).

*eating sweets is a big one for me. i am a big snacker. if it is in the house, i will eat it. i find i am eating more sweets now than ever before. there was a time when i would have never ordered dessert with dinner. now it is almost commonplace. i have also found the last few times i have gone to cracker barrel, i have left with an almond hershey bar. i also am gradually getting addicted to toberlone bars. i had to stop myself from buying one today.
*i choose poor-quality foods. i eat fast food at least 75% of the time. when i do go to the grocery, i choose things loaded with carbs such as pasta, noodles, etc. i have no real balance with what i eat.
*i don't have a food schedule. i eat when i feel like it. many times i will eat dinner early and then will not eat anything else for the rest of the night. or i will start off eating healthy in the morning and then get frustrated in the afternoons and start snacking. many times snacking will take the place of an actual meal.

List your three most toxic habits of mind (e.g., procrastinating, moodiness, low self-esteem).

*procrastination is a huge one for me. i'll sometimes have lists lying around for days of things i need to do but keep putting off. i will drag my feet anytime there is something i do not want to do. this has gotten me into trouble more than once. i end up dreading something or making a bigger deal out of it when it could have been handled very easily if i had just acted on it quickly.
*low self-esteem is another big one. i talk myself out of doing a lot of things because i think i cannot do them. the thing is, i have always succeeded at most everything i have tried (at least the big things), but for some reason, i still set limits in my mind.
*laziness. pure and simple. i can waste more time in a day than i thought was possible. there are a lot of things i could get done, but for me, procrastination and laziness go hand in hand.

list your three most toxic relationships. what purpose do they serve? what prevents you from giving them up?

i have three that come to mind right off that are marginal, but overall, i would say i do not have any truly toxic relationships in my life right now. if that question had been asked of me several months ago, that would not have been the case. i have worked hard to eliminate unhappy relationships from my life. spending some time away in california helped. getting away from the church i was in was another big one. terrible as it sounds, losing my dad also was a huge burden lifted from me as it removed one of the most toxic relationships i have ever had in my life. mainly, i just have little irritations that remain in other relationships. one has lost its power drastically to effect me, but there is always that feeling that i must keep an eye on it to ensure it never does again. one is a minor source of irritation just because i want the person to be different. the last one just gets on my nerves because of the drama. there is an element of it where there is only so much i can stand to listen to it so i have reduced the time i spend talking to this person.
as for the purpose they serve, these relationships are not all bad. i really cannot elaborate just because if i give details here, it will be obvious to people who know me who these people are. so i will just leave it at that.

what would your life look like without these behaviors, habits, and relationships?

first of all, if i ate better, i think i would feel better. i also think a lot of the stress would be removed from my life. if i had a plan for my day and didn't put things off, it would save me a lot of aggravation. as for the relationships, i am in a better place than i have been in a long time with the people in my life. i just have to keep an eye on a few of them.

whew!! i have spent the day reading and shopping and measuring and journaling. and i am worn out!!!!!! but i am excited for all of this to start and to see what kind of difference i can make in my own life.

today's adventures

today was an absolutely marvelous day spent in the company of good friends. it was a beautiful day for a picnic. since i work from home, i spend so much of my time in the confines of these walls so sometimes it is just nice to get out and breath some fresh air. here are some of my random thoughts from the day:

*men should never be left to their own devices to get a hair cut. it never works out.
*ice cream is best when it is worn and even better when it is put in the hair.
*"i'm sexy" is something that should never come out of the mouth of a 6 year old, but it is still funny all the same.
*never tell a little girl she cannot be in a picture. she will be devestated, and her tears will be heartbreaking,
*adults tire of games much more quickly than children.
*cats are extremely pissy when they are dragged out by their asses from underneath a bush.
*never tell a cat "no". it just doesn't bode well.
*one of the simplest delights in this world is helping a little girl run base to base in kick ball and enjoying her excitement when she makes a home run.
*never change the channel when a child is wathing a cartoon.
*horses+kids=a lot of fun.

that's all for now. i am worn out and need to start reading my new diet book (squeal!) and frankly i am not feeling any more pith for the evening. so there you go.

how my parents met

i am a little crazy. i am okay with that. i figure we all have just a little bit of crazy in us. i think all things considered, i could be a lot worse. i often tell the story of my family just because it is so ridiculous, i just have to laugh. i think it makes for an interesting tale so i will share some of the highlights here.

my parents met in a mental institution. an honest to bob mental institution. well, actually it sounded more like a country club, but we'll get to that. my dad was in for "depression" (aka he was a raging drunk). i really don't have the story as to why my mom was there other than she really wasn't that mentally balanced. they both were married but going through divorces. my dad essentially walked out on his 4 kids. my mom discovered her husband was having an affair. she actually found the polaroid in his coat pocket to prove it. one day when he came home, he was criticizing the neighbor. my mother informed him that she bet the neighbor didn't have a picture of his dick standing at attention in his pocket. that shut him down pretty quickly. my mother did have a way with words.

but i'm getting off track here. so my parents met in this mental institution. my dad apparently was the hot ticket of the joint, enjoying leisurely afternoons in the bushes in the company of several women.

but then he saw my mom. he said she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, fresh from her shock treatment. she had on a white jacket, and she kept rubbing her face on the jacket, thus smearing her makeup all over it. for my dad, it was love at first sight. he jumped out of the bushes with his lady friends and into the bushes with my mom. and there you go.

they were inseperable from that point on. my 17 year old brother would come and sign them out and take them up to the bar on the corner (of course, my mother didn't realize my father was an alcoholic. please). my mother was suddenly moved to another floor. my dad thinks it was all a
conspiracy by the evil husband to seperate them. my dad threw his lunch tray across the cafeteria in protest. it's a wonder they didn't put his ass into solitary confinement.

as fate would it, they would not stay apart forever. my mother must have been sprung first and came back home. as soon as my dad got out, he showed up at my mom's door step, and they moved in together. as soon as their respective divorces were final, they got married. i was born 6 months later (3 months early, and my brother swears that is the truth).

why do i tell this story? because i think it's funny, and i always like to laugh. but i also tell it to make a point. i realize that at 33 years old, i don't have to make the same mistakes with my life that my parents made. i don't have to be an alcoholic like 4 out of 5 my siblings. i don't have to spend time in prison and meet my "soul mate" there like my sister did. i don't have to blame others for the mistakes in my life. i have choices.

i don't have a lot of patience for people who blame others for how their life turned out. but i am sympathetic to people's plight. my dad is a prime example of what happens to someone who is not loved as a child. he was abandoned by his mother, and his father died at 44 years old from alcoholism. he was sent to live with the drunk aunt and uncle who didn't want to be bothered with him. they would lock him upstairs in the dark while they went out and partied. my dad would cry because he was so worried about them. one of the few times my dad was with his mom, he was asleep in the bext bed while she screwed her boyfriend. when i see my dad in this light, i feel sorry for him. i always did.

but it is not an excuse for what he did with his own life. he died at 67 years old a lonely old man. he could have been anything he wanted to be. he was smart and funny and a pretty likeable guy. but he wasted his laugh drinking and sleeping because he could not deal with the pain. and once my mom died, he had nothing left.

as for my mom, i really don't have an explanation of what happened with her. she did come from a broken home, but my grandmother was good to her. they had a close relationship that lasted until the day my grandmother died. in fact, it was almost the opposite extreme of what happened with my dad. my grandmother and mom were so joined at the hip that there were many elements of dysfunction there. but my mom never felt good enough. she got involved in these shitty relationships with men. she would complain about her first husband or my dad (and rightfully so), but she would never leave them. she was always afraid she couldn't make it on her own. she became a bitter woman and died at 68 years old. again, she could have been anything she wanted. she was smart and pretty and funny, but she never saw that in herself. and she died alone on the floor.

which brings me back to my point. i don't have to be like my parents. i am pretty screwed up, i admit it, but i am smart enough to know that whatever has happened in my life is because of my own choices. i will never blame anyone for my life. but i realize that i can be a better person. i can have healthy relationships and travel the world and do anything i want to do. i don't have to die at a young age because i have damaged my body so severely. i don't have to be limited to what i can do because of the voices inside my head. it's my choice.

i still think the love story of my parents is pretty hilarious. i don't think i would be the person i am if i had not been raised by these crazy people. and i'm a pretty cool person. i swear one of these days i am going to take this show on the road or maybe write a book. or have a sitcom about my life. i think it would be a hit.

random ramblings from the week

it has been an interesting week. it started off with a trip to see hillary clinton! i bought a ridiculous amount of campaign garb, made new friends, flirted with the cute campaign guy, cheered at inappropriate times, screamed at the top of my lungs, and clapped my hands for my candidate. this is such a great election for me because it is the first time i did my homework. i researched the issues and decided on my candidate without any help. in the previous elections, i voted the way the church wanted me to vote. i know that is sad, but it is true. i really consider it laziness on my part. it was easier for me to let someone else make the decision than to have to take responsibility for making my own decision. but this campaign has been different, and i have really been excited about it. my bubble was burst yesterday when i found out i am not eligible to vote in the primary because i missed the deadline to file. i'm heartbroken, but i do have enough hillary wear to still make a visible presence and maybe just a little bit of a diffence.

on wednesday, i drove down to nashville to see 12 angry men. this is actually the second time i have seen it, and it was absolutely wonderful. if the show is ever near you, i would strongly encourage you to see it. it is good drama. check out the link http://www.12angrymentour.com/. i drank an obnoxious amount of caffeine, ate at cracker barrel, stopped for yet another southern friend chicken sandwich from mcd's, and made even more new friends. it was a wonderful way to spend the evening.

on friday and saturday, i watched little tap dancers and ballerinas perform their routines for the first time for an audience. there is nothing like seeing a little girl's excitement about getting to wear purple eye shadow or getting a trophy to take home. we celebrated our braveness for accompanying the kids to this shindig with sundaes. it's so hard to be an adult.

today (sunday) is dreary and cozy with just a little bit of chill in the air, and i love it. i am surrounded by sleeping cats. i am not really watching the new home showcase on television. abbott is still sick. when i came home last night, he crawled in my lap, and i stroked his fur until he fell alseep. he's so sad and so vulnerable, and i will be glad when he is feeling better. when i get some motivation, i am going to eat japanese food and get a pedicure. i don't think there is anything more wonderful in the world than lazy sundays and lazy cats.

quotes

i love to find a good quote. there is just something about hearing words that just fit some moment in your life. i finally decided one day to start keeping quote book handy. i wanted to share some of my favorite quotes here. some of you will understand their meaning, and some of you won't. but i hope that you find in here something that just fits for you. or if not, i hope you enjoy them just the same.

"our lives are filled with people who provoke us, especially people we love. they help us figure out our own shit, and why we are here." ~anne lamott

"the whold world's gone ass over elbows." ~mack mackenize, knots landing

"i've never done a part yet that there wasn't one point somewhere prior to the first day of work where you either wake up and go 'shit'... this is the one that they're gonna see i can't do it." ~patrick duffy

"because sometimes the difference between heaven and hell may be a little bit of lipstick." ~ rob bell

"only by questioning our faith can we emerge with a mature faith." ~john bradshaw

"you spend the time you can with the people you can. you don't look ahead... you don't look back... and you be damn grateful for the time you have together" ~ mack mackenzie, knots landing

"do you think the world is only an entertainment for you? no wonder we hear, in your mournful voice, the complaint that something is missing from your life! what is happening when you are happy is you, you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows into everything you touch. you are not responsible." ~ ten poems to set you free

"... when you pray, you are not starting the conversation from scratch, just remembering to plug back into a conversation that has always been in progress." ~anne lamott, plan b

sometimes travelling to a new place leads to great transformation ~ random fortune cookie

"but at some point, you have to be able to look someone in the eye, and know that they know you, and have known you for years, and understand you, and care about you." ~lillimae clements, knots landing

"there's no known cure for being a pain in the ass." ~mark greene, ER

"a person may sometimes entertain contradictory opinions simultaneosuly." ~ c.s. lewis

adventures along the way

for those of you who don't know anything about me, my life has changed drastically in the last few years. i lived with lesbians and decided i had enough of that (long story. no need to clutter up the space talking about it now). i suddenly lost my mother in 2003. i "inherited" my alcoholic father, and spent almost the next 4 years trying to take care of his sorry ass. in 2006, i decided i had enough of it all and needed a change of pace. so i picked up everything and spent 10 months living/working on the central coast of california. to say that was an awesome experience would be an understatement. i came back home to good old kentucky in october 2007 to clean out my dad's house, fix it up, and put it up for sale. and the house still sits.

there are times in my life when i like to look back at my life and figure out what i have learned or just ponder on the really cool experiences i have had. here is a summary of what has gone on with me since i came home:

*i saw 12 angry men. not once. but twice. i heart kevin dobson.
*not only did i see 12 angry men twice, but i also saw hillary clinton. and i have the t-shirt, hat, and buttons to prove it.
*i learned a lot about sub floors.
*i got my act together and figured out that hillary clinton was my candidate.
*i took the beliefnet religion quiz (long before alison did), and it said i should be a quaker. that just amuses me.
*i adopted not 1, not 3, but 3 heathen cats.
*i have checked out every library book in the city about taking care of heathen cats.
*i made a pilgramage back to cali and had the most amazing time.
*i realized i could make it back out to the knots landing cul-de-sac without a map.
*i renewed my love for season 12 knots.
*i stayed up until 1 in the morning crying over the death of mark greene.
*i decided that jack johnson's "sleep through the static" may be the greatest thing ever.
*i learned that working from home and staying in my pj's until noon certainly has its advantages.
*i finally decided that i love what i love, and i have had some amazing experiences because of it
*i am going to get to meet the cast of dallas (squeal!).
*i have thought about the things i might have done had i had different life experiences. writing and acting just to name a few. i decided that no dream is crazy, and you should reach for the moon. the only hindrance is your own mind set.
*i have put my time and my money to travelling and doing some of the things i really want to do. *i bought a pink hillary tee and matching cap.
*i sometimes ponder about how different my life has become since the death of my father and what a really good thing that is.
*i finally made the decision to eat healthy and get rid of some of this weight.
*i think that windows vista sucks my ass.
*i again learned the value of a good friend and also that really true good friends are harder than you would think to come by.
*i got drunk for the first time in my life.
*i actually entered a tattoo parlor.
*i discovered that i loved cigarettes way too much and had to put a stop to that.
*i crossed over 100,000 miles on my 2 year old car.
*i figured out why some men and women are not compatible.
*i decided that anytbody who does not love cats as much as i do is not a keeper.
*i said goodbye to rick's cat isabella
*i'm as mixed up as ever, but i know i have a lot of good options.
*i strengthened some relationships.
*l discovered that church is just not where it is for me right now.
*i made some peace with some relationships.
*i missed the rain a lot this spring.

madeline

so i mentioned that i share my space (not really a home because it's not mine. but i'll save that for another blog) with 3 gorgeous (did i mention gorgeous?) cats. madeline is my oldest. she is the only girl, and the reigning queen of the house. she is a beautiful tortoise shell, with one brown paw and one gold paw, and her face is exactly the opposite. she is beautiful (i said that already, but i'll say it again), tempermental, loving, and just a touch pissy at times.

and then there are the black boy brothers. abbott and costello. they are both coal black and virutally the only way to tell them apart is by the white fluff on costello's chest and abbott's white underside. they started their life living in a school then moved to another house and then were acquired by me at 4 months of age. they are rotten heathens who are just so adorable that i cannot even stand it. they require a lot of love of attention, and i am mostly glad to give it to them (except for 4 am in the morning when i am not glad to give love to anybody).

but let's get back to madeline for now since this is who this post is all about. i think madeline, in her own way, has the most personality of all the cats. she lived in the wild before she came to live with me, and it made her one tough as nails broad. i often look at her and wonder what is going through that mind of hers. does she realize she is a cat? does she realize i'm not? what does it mean when she stares at me with those intent eyes? there are times i almost wish she could talk so i could figure her out. but then i like mystery so there you go.

madeline has one of several looks in which i can just imagine what she is thinking. they include "what the fuck?", "leave me the fuck alone", "why the fuck are you bothering me?", "it's sleepy time for madeline", "love on me, not them", "please let me out just this once", "i am the queen", and "feed me".

madeline is particular to a fault. the litter box must be just perfect before she exits. she does her business, gets out of the box, and then may spend twenty minutes covering it up to meet her standards. she will not eat if anyone (including me or a black heathen) is staring at her. she only likes attention on her own terms. if she is not in the mood, she gives the pissiest little meow which i call her "pissy ass bitch mode." she loves her brothers but won't resist a swat at them if they come too close to her shadow. any little stress weighs on her deeply. she hates it when i travel, and a trip to the vet is never a pleasant experience. she will make pains to clean her paws, fur, and so forth.

she may spend hours people-watching. she loves to sit in the front window. many times when i come home, she is waiting there for me. i call her name from the car, and i can see her meow and start to scratch at the window. she is a bird watcher from way back and would love the opportunity to get out there and show those birds her stuff. i pity the bird that ever falls prey in the hands of madeline.

she is a pretty lazy individual, spending a great deal of her time curled up on the chair or on top of a suitcase but she does love to play with the felt fishing hook. she may be sound asleep but when she sees me bring the line out, she is on the floor and ready to do some acrobatics in pursuit it. and then there are the days when she just wants to explore everything. i'll turn around, and there will be a madeline on the counter, trying to figure out what mischief she can get into.

you may ask why i spend so much time rambling about this cat? in her few short months with me, madeline has brought a lot of joy to my life. i learn so much about life, personality, companionship, responsibility, and love just by watching and taking care of her. those of you who are cat lovers can certainly understand. those of you who aren't never will.